Calculated Destruction is the subconscious predetermined destruction of an object that one does not care about but, may be of value to the person in which anger is directed. In other words if two people are in an argument and one person picks up and item and throws it against a wall, that is calculated destruction. 9 times out of ten the object destroyed has no value to the person who broke it.
Calculated destruction can happen in the heat of the moment or can be planned. Why does this matter? When a person is in any relationship the variable for calculated destruction can be determined by the volatility of the individual. Lets say for instance a man has a vehicle he has a particular fondness for, and he gets caught cheating in his wife, her response may be to damage the vehicle.
In more volatile relationships Calculated Destruction happens on a daily basis. This behavior however it is used is a result of immaturity. This behavior is prevalent in relationships where one or both parties never learned to properly express anger or in relationships where the participants are under the age of 25. Persons over the age of 20 who are still destroying the property of others should seek more productive ways to handle their rage or simply grow up.
It is important to note that items that are destroyed in these situations were chosen long before an argument ever existed between the parties. In fact the objects themselves are often points of contention. Most people will not destroy items that mean something to them personally. People who will destroy things they love should seek help, as this is a sign of self-hate. Calculated destruction is never a productive action and is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
PUBERTY – AND TEENAGE CHILDREN
We have all heard the parents of teenage girls speak about the emotional rollercoaster their girls are on and how they never seem to get off that rollercoaster. The same is true for boys. Young men have just as much of a biological change during puberty as girls. With boys it manifests itself in various burst of unreasonable anger, moodiness, and unexplained behavior. Most parents have had a run in with a teenager over the normal curfew or chores. There are varied theories about teen independence and how it facilitates itself with parents butting heads with that unruly teen. So what do you do about that hormonal teenager?
We raise our children to be responsible adults not children. Toward that end teenagers must be given responsibilities, consequences, and slowly earn freedom. Earning freedom means that when a teen shows they are doing their homework , chores, and making good decisions, then are trusted to go out without supervision for a designated amount of time. Be aware that most teens will at some point make a mistake. They will come home late, go places they were not supposed to be, and do things that you know are wrong. This is a no blood no foul rule, if they are ok and safe then the privilege of doing something on their own may be removed for a time until they show a better grasp of responsibility. Some teens are better than others. Unfortunately even the kids that appear to be good have moments of utter stupidity.
Think back to your own high school experience. There were kids that had teachers and parents snowed. Those they were out doing dangerous or crazy things that their parents still do not know about. The most important thing about having a teenager is to stay close to them. Your relationship with that teen can make or break the teen years. My oldest son was into skateboarding. This is a dangerous sport with infinite potential for injury. Not to mention the fact that a good majority of the kids who are into skateboarding also get involved in drugs. How did we survive? I became a skateboard mom. I took groups of kids to the skate parks and I videotaped their tricks or I took pictures. They were so excited that they got to travel to other parks that they talked to me about all kinds of stuff that I would have missed otherwise. By being interested in them I knew my sons friends. Some of them had rough home lives with parents that were absent, violent, or simply did not care.
There seems to be a general consensus between parents that when teens hit 14, the parents are done raising them. This is completely wrong. It is during the teen years that parents need to make themselves available for these teens. The trick is to be close without smothering them. That means you go to lunch, shopping, or other activities with them and have good times. The teen years do not have to be a nightmare. Remember that you are the parent and not a friend.
Years ago I knew a woman who borrowed her daughter’s clothes, provided alcohol to her sons friends, and basically tried to act like her teen’s friend rather than a parent. I cannot stress enough that teens resent this behavior. It is never fun to have your 40 year old mom make suggestive comments to your boyfriend. It’s embarrassing to teens and makes them lose respect for their parents. Be the parent that cares and is interested in that teen. Teens have their own world and if you pay attention they will include you in it. Even when they get upset they still love you. Continue through those teen years to nurture them because they are still children. Incidentally her oldest son was eventually killed in a single car accident where he was not wearing his seat belt and had been drinking at a party earlier that evening. Be careful about the examples you set for your children.
We raise our children to be responsible adults not children. Toward that end teenagers must be given responsibilities, consequences, and slowly earn freedom. Earning freedom means that when a teen shows they are doing their homework , chores, and making good decisions, then are trusted to go out without supervision for a designated amount of time. Be aware that most teens will at some point make a mistake. They will come home late, go places they were not supposed to be, and do things that you know are wrong. This is a no blood no foul rule, if they are ok and safe then the privilege of doing something on their own may be removed for a time until they show a better grasp of responsibility. Some teens are better than others. Unfortunately even the kids that appear to be good have moments of utter stupidity.
Think back to your own high school experience. There were kids that had teachers and parents snowed. Those they were out doing dangerous or crazy things that their parents still do not know about. The most important thing about having a teenager is to stay close to them. Your relationship with that teen can make or break the teen years. My oldest son was into skateboarding. This is a dangerous sport with infinite potential for injury. Not to mention the fact that a good majority of the kids who are into skateboarding also get involved in drugs. How did we survive? I became a skateboard mom. I took groups of kids to the skate parks and I videotaped their tricks or I took pictures. They were so excited that they got to travel to other parks that they talked to me about all kinds of stuff that I would have missed otherwise. By being interested in them I knew my sons friends. Some of them had rough home lives with parents that were absent, violent, or simply did not care.
There seems to be a general consensus between parents that when teens hit 14, the parents are done raising them. This is completely wrong. It is during the teen years that parents need to make themselves available for these teens. The trick is to be close without smothering them. That means you go to lunch, shopping, or other activities with them and have good times. The teen years do not have to be a nightmare. Remember that you are the parent and not a friend.
Years ago I knew a woman who borrowed her daughter’s clothes, provided alcohol to her sons friends, and basically tried to act like her teen’s friend rather than a parent. I cannot stress enough that teens resent this behavior. It is never fun to have your 40 year old mom make suggestive comments to your boyfriend. It’s embarrassing to teens and makes them lose respect for their parents. Be the parent that cares and is interested in that teen. Teens have their own world and if you pay attention they will include you in it. Even when they get upset they still love you. Continue through those teen years to nurture them because they are still children. Incidentally her oldest son was eventually killed in a single car accident where he was not wearing his seat belt and had been drinking at a party earlier that evening. Be careful about the examples you set for your children.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
School Uniforms
In Arizona there is trend to support school uniforms in school system. Some of the reasons for this include theft, teasing, and inapropriate clothing. As a parent do you like or dislike the school uniforms?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
What is a healthy relationship?
Our society has grabbed a hold of relationship buzz words to discribe relationships. What is a healthy relationship? Does a healthy relationship depend on who is involved?
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